BigJohn
10-18-2006, 06:43 PM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/52/Big-12-College-Conference-logo.png (http://www.aggiefans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10741)Ranking the Big XII - Week 8
1) Texas – The tea-sippers are expecting an indictment by the Waco DA of cruel but usual punishment after last weekends game against Baylor. Bevo’s buddies spotted the cubbies 10 first quarter points before exiting their smoke-filled VW bus with bloodshot eyes and realizing they were in the middle of a football game. They proceeded to remind the gang green where they really were in the Big XII pecking order. Next up is Nebraska, and reports are that Mack Brown has his players eating corn directly off the cob, rather than the usual creamed variety served piping hot in silver Vince Young chalices, in an effort to toughen them up.
2) Nebraska – Surprisingly, there is little fanfare for the Corn this year. They are a quiet 6-1 overall and ranked in the top 25, but no one outside of Lincoln is really sure what to think of them. The husks will be pulled off this week and the kernels put in the frying pan with the burnt oranges expected to jump in and turn up the heat. No one is sure what the result will smell like though few expect something pleasant. Many expect the corn to be dried out and have their insides exploded out under the extreme heat. Sales of butter and salt are expected to rise across the Midwest as a result.
3) Texas A&M – The lynch mobs in front of Coach Franchoine’s home have put down their torches and pitchforks and are scratching their heads wondering if maybe their were a little quick to throw in the towel on their $2 million dollar coach. The Aggies face the not-quite-as-ugly orange cowboys this week and are surprising underdogs by the odds makers. Maybe the desert heat finally got to those Vegas guys.
4) Missouri – The Tiggers slunk back to Pooh’s house after being reminded that the Big XII really is down this year and that in it no one is supposed to be undefeated. Roo and Rabbit were said to have given Pinkle an earful about the fake field goal call and Eyeore cheered up Chase Daniels by reminding him that his last loss was for the State Championship and that he should have won that game also.
5) Oklahoma – The land thieves’ fans are having a wake for their season on Friday with a revival scheduled for Saturday 6pm vs Colorado. With RB Adrian Peterson done for the season and expected to go pro, sources tell us that Stoops is in negotiations with Big Red Motorcars to once again become a “Friend of the Program” and help Stoops get his program back on track.
6) Oklahoma State –After last weeks’ come-from-way-behind win over the lowly jaybirds, the cowgirl fans are now washing their undies and spray painting their baby’s momma’s name on water towers in preparation for the homecoming game this week against Texas A&M. When asked about how they planned to practice for the Aggies bruising running game, Okie-lite coach Mike Gundy was quoted as saying “Huh? You mean we have to practice this week? But this is our homecoming!!” In related news, toothbrush sales are up a reported 350% this week in Stillwater, but are expected to drop to usual levels after the weekend.
7) Baylor – After stating that he was proud his team was able to “hang with the big boys” after losing to Texas 63-31, Coach Guy Morris released a statement that he is, in fact, suffering from a brain injury. The injury occurred after the game when Morris reportedly slipped and fell hard, right smack-dab on his behind. He is not expected to recover.
8) Texas Tech – PHEW!! Better rollup the windows if you are passing through Lubbock! The usual puke-inducing smell of Jack Daniels mixed with cheap hooker perfume and moldy tortillas that typifies Lubbock is being overwhelmed by the stench coming from the field. Mike Leach stated the starting offensive line had their eye patch and earring privileges revoked and that he forced his entire defensive backfield to walk the plank in practice this week. Leach will also reportedly reduce his daily ingestion of whiskey sours from 10 to 9 in order to focus more clearly during practice.
9) Kansas State – The pussycats are sniffling and rubbing their behinds after being embarrassed by Okie State last weekend. According to head coach Ron Price, the kitties expected their opponents to realize they were beaten after the first half. “We had them down and we thought they would realize they were beaten. I mean, they lost to Houston for crying out loud. But they cheated somehow won the game and now we have file a complaint with the Big XII fairness committee.” The kittens are expected to be spayed by Missouri this week and there isn’t much they can do about it.
10) Colorado – Arguably the best 1-6 team in Division IA, the Buffs spanked the panty raiders of Lubbock 30-6 and finally got a win. Unfortunately, they have Oklahoma next and even with Peterson out, Ralfie’s boys aren’t expected to last past halftime.
11) Iowa State – Weren’t these guys supposed to compete for the Big XII North this year? Yeah, great call geniuses. The good news is that K State is up next. The bad news is, they are still Iowa State.
12) Kansas – Perennial bottom-dweller Kansas once again has fans excited about the upcoming basketball season. Once thought to be an up-and-coming team Kansas had its hopes dashed once again once the conference games rolled around. Man-gina is reportedly bulking up for a long non-bowl game winter and Texas A&M’s Coach Fran has offered some of his leftover Little Debbie snacks.
1) Texas – The tea-sippers are expecting an indictment by the Waco DA of cruel but usual punishment after last weekends game against Baylor. Bevo’s buddies spotted the cubbies 10 first quarter points before exiting their smoke-filled VW bus with bloodshot eyes and realizing they were in the middle of a football game. They proceeded to remind the gang green where they really were in the Big XII pecking order. Next up is Nebraska, and reports are that Mack Brown has his players eating corn directly off the cob, rather than the usual creamed variety served piping hot in silver Vince Young chalices, in an effort to toughen them up.
2) Nebraska – Surprisingly, there is little fanfare for the Corn this year. They are a quiet 6-1 overall and ranked in the top 25, but no one outside of Lincoln is really sure what to think of them. The husks will be pulled off this week and the kernels put in the frying pan with the burnt oranges expected to jump in and turn up the heat. No one is sure what the result will smell like though few expect something pleasant. Many expect the corn to be dried out and have their insides exploded out under the extreme heat. Sales of butter and salt are expected to rise across the Midwest as a result.
3) Texas A&M – The lynch mobs in front of Coach Franchoine’s home have put down their torches and pitchforks and are scratching their heads wondering if maybe their were a little quick to throw in the towel on their $2 million dollar coach. The Aggies face the not-quite-as-ugly orange cowboys this week and are surprising underdogs by the odds makers. Maybe the desert heat finally got to those Vegas guys.
4) Missouri – The Tiggers slunk back to Pooh’s house after being reminded that the Big XII really is down this year and that in it no one is supposed to be undefeated. Roo and Rabbit were said to have given Pinkle an earful about the fake field goal call and Eyeore cheered up Chase Daniels by reminding him that his last loss was for the State Championship and that he should have won that game also.
5) Oklahoma – The land thieves’ fans are having a wake for their season on Friday with a revival scheduled for Saturday 6pm vs Colorado. With RB Adrian Peterson done for the season and expected to go pro, sources tell us that Stoops is in negotiations with Big Red Motorcars to once again become a “Friend of the Program” and help Stoops get his program back on track.
6) Oklahoma State –After last weeks’ come-from-way-behind win over the lowly jaybirds, the cowgirl fans are now washing their undies and spray painting their baby’s momma’s name on water towers in preparation for the homecoming game this week against Texas A&M. When asked about how they planned to practice for the Aggies bruising running game, Okie-lite coach Mike Gundy was quoted as saying “Huh? You mean we have to practice this week? But this is our homecoming!!” In related news, toothbrush sales are up a reported 350% this week in Stillwater, but are expected to drop to usual levels after the weekend.
7) Baylor – After stating that he was proud his team was able to “hang with the big boys” after losing to Texas 63-31, Coach Guy Morris released a statement that he is, in fact, suffering from a brain injury. The injury occurred after the game when Morris reportedly slipped and fell hard, right smack-dab on his behind. He is not expected to recover.
8) Texas Tech – PHEW!! Better rollup the windows if you are passing through Lubbock! The usual puke-inducing smell of Jack Daniels mixed with cheap hooker perfume and moldy tortillas that typifies Lubbock is being overwhelmed by the stench coming from the field. Mike Leach stated the starting offensive line had their eye patch and earring privileges revoked and that he forced his entire defensive backfield to walk the plank in practice this week. Leach will also reportedly reduce his daily ingestion of whiskey sours from 10 to 9 in order to focus more clearly during practice.
9) Kansas State – The pussycats are sniffling and rubbing their behinds after being embarrassed by Okie State last weekend. According to head coach Ron Price, the kitties expected their opponents to realize they were beaten after the first half. “We had them down and we thought they would realize they were beaten. I mean, they lost to Houston for crying out loud. But they cheated somehow won the game and now we have file a complaint with the Big XII fairness committee.” The kittens are expected to be spayed by Missouri this week and there isn’t much they can do about it.
10) Colorado – Arguably the best 1-6 team in Division IA, the Buffs spanked the panty raiders of Lubbock 30-6 and finally got a win. Unfortunately, they have Oklahoma next and even with Peterson out, Ralfie’s boys aren’t expected to last past halftime.
11) Iowa State – Weren’t these guys supposed to compete for the Big XII North this year? Yeah, great call geniuses. The good news is that K State is up next. The bad news is, they are still Iowa State.
12) Kansas – Perennial bottom-dweller Kansas once again has fans excited about the upcoming basketball season. Once thought to be an up-and-coming team Kansas had its hopes dashed once again once the conference games rolled around. Man-gina is reportedly bulking up for a long non-bowl game winter and Texas A&M’s Coach Fran has offered some of his leftover Little Debbie snacks.